Emotion Focused Couple’s Therapy (EFCT)
Conflict is part of any relationship, whether it’s a result of mismatched needs, differing views about money, or something else. Although sometimes all a couple needs to overcome this is a new perspective or a bit of space, in some cases, couples therapy is the best route. For couples struggling with connection or communication, Emotionally Focused Couples Therapy can be an effective approach.
What is EFCT?
Emotionally focused couples therapy, or EFCT, is a kind of couples therapy based on attachment theory. This technique considers a couple’s emotional bond to be central to the health of the relationship. EFCT is based on the belief that helping a couple develop a secure connection is the best way to fix issues within the relationship.
Developed in the 80’s by Sue Johnson and Les Greenberg, this short-term therapy was designed to give patients a more secure attachment, thereby improving communication and connection. Although it’s typically used for romantic couples, EFCT is useful for anyone who has an emotional bond and can also be utilized for family members.
Restoring the bond between disconnected partners allows them to become more receptive and attuned to each other, bringing them toward a more functional and fulfilling relationship. The goal of EFCT is to reconnect couples who have become isolated or divided, restoring their attachment bond, and allowing them to meet each other’s emotional needs..
The 3 Stages of EFCT
Emotionally focused couples therapy happens in three steps: de-escalation, restructuring, and consolidation. Through these steps, the partners identify their dysfunctional dynamics, learn better communication skills, and ultimately emerge with a more secure bond and the emotional skills to maintain it.
De-Escalation
The first stage of EFCT centers on pinpointing the dysfunctional interaction patterns that are causing friction within the relationship. By learning which behaviors contribute to conflict and disconnection, individuals gain self-awareness and identify growth areas. For instance, behaviors like shutting down, angry outbursts, and stonewalling all create disconnection and prevent couples from meeting each other’s needs.
Along with gaining awareness about unhelpful behaviors, participants identify the negative feelings within the relationship that are related to attachment. Through this process, patients gain understanding about how their insecurities and attachment issues are affecting their relationship.
De-escalation also involves learning how to have different, healthier emotional responses during conflict. This allows couples to become more emotionally available, patient, and empathetic to each other, seeing past their own feelings to recognize their partner’s needs in the moment. By learning how to have better emotional responses, couples decrease the distress they’re experiencing in their relationships, de-escalating the relationship dynamic to feel safer and more positive.
Restructuring
After a couple’s dynamic has been de-escalated to create a safe space for needs and feelings, they can move on to the restructuring phase. This phase focuses on emotional expression, with the goal of strengthening the couple’s emotional bond.
During restructuring, partners learn how to express their feelings in a healthy way. Along with this, they learn how to receive each other’s feelings and needs, showing up with curiosity, empathy, and acceptance for each other’s experiences. Through this process, partners become more receptive to each other and embrace vulnerability as they learn how to ask for what they need.
Restructuring also involves reframing the behaviors that drove the couple apart, teaching partners to recognize the emotional needs behind the actions. For example, distancing oneself during a conflict can be reframed as a cry for attention rather than an uncaring response. In this phase, partners develop a more secure attachment, giving them a secure base in the relationship from which they can grow and experience new things together.
Consolidation
The last step of EFCT aims to give couples new techniques and skills to improve their dynamic. The therapist shows the couple how to use healthy communication and coping skills to interact more harmoniously, consolidating what they’ve learned throughout the first few steps of EFCT.
During the consolidation stage, partners replace negative patterns with more positive ones. These new, more positive interactions lead to long-lasting change within the relationship, making it into safe space and healing attachment trauma.
Consolidation helps couples to recognize their progress and see how much they’ve changed. Sometimes the therapist encourages them to revisit an old issue to tackle it using their new skills. This gives the pair the chance to respond to the problem in a new, more connected way.
How EFCT Works
Rather than simply confronting each relationship issue, behavior or feeling as it arises, EFCT views relationship struggles within the framework of attachment theory. Central to attachment theory is the idea that the fear of abandonment is at the heart of many forms of emotional distress.
When insecure attachment occurs, the individual can view any distance in the relationship as danger, perceiving even the smallest separation as a threat. This can cause one to revert to coping skills used in childhood, which is why relationship partners repeat negative patterns they learned as children. This overactive perception of threat often comes along with feelings of instability, fear, and helplessness.
EFCT brings awareness to this dynamic, giving partners the language to communicate about feelings and needs. This type of therapy shows couples how their interaction patterns are based in attachment, helping them to learn healthier behaviors and emotional responses rather than using unhealthy ones that exacerbate conflict.
When to Try EFCT
Emotionally focused couples therapy is helpful for partners who feel disconnected from each other. It’s also useful for those who have trouble communicating or feel like they’re speaking different languages during conflict.
Some individuals have difficulty expressing their feelings, while those on the other end of the spectrum struggle with too much emotional reactivity. This could be a sign that their fears of abandonment are being triggered in the relationship.
EFCT is also ideal for couples dealing with a traumatic incident, mental illness, or a breach of trust, like a recent infidelity. It can help partners to attune to each other and reconnect, allowing them to find a secure attachment.
What to Expect
Since EFCT focuses on the negative emotions and interaction patterns within a relationship, it can be a difficult process, bringing up strong emotions and touching on childhood trauma. Those starting EFCT should be emotionally prepared for this and ready to participate, as the process only works if both partners are fully present.
During EFCT, the therapist will start by learning the couple’s history and will then delve into the issues causing strife in the relationship. The therapist will observe the couple’s dynamic and ask questions, coming to understand the emotions and fears implicit in the couple’s negative interaction patterns.
Throughout therapy, the therapist will direct the conversation and validate the couple’s feelings while helping them to understand their behaviors and patterns that are causing conflict in the relationship. Ultimately, the therapist will coach the couple in how to develop new, more positive patterns of interaction.
Emotion Focused Couple’s Therapy (EFCT)
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