Grief
Grief is an unfortunate but natural part of the human experience. Whether the grief you experience is for a loved one, a prized possession, a time in your life, or something else you care about, saying goodbye to things we love is inevitable. Because this is such a universal experience, researchers have identified several kinds of grief, along with distinct stages that grieving encompasses. If you’re struggling to manage grief, reach out now, we can help!
What is Grief?
Grief is the emotional response to losing something you love. This suffering can include many other feelings, causing anger and shock along with extreme sadness. Grief is commonly associated with death, but it can occur whenever you lose something important to you. Although it’s primarily an emotional experience, grief can also affect your physical health since the body and the mind are deeply connected.
The emotional response of mourning something you love is considered grief if it lasts six months to two years, with symptoms typically improving over time. However, there’s no timeline for grief, and it’s normal to continue mourning your loss in some way throughout your life.
Some people who experience grief also have trouble sleeping, eating, and continuing to function in daily life activities. Although there are innumerable situations that can cause feelings of grief, some common losses that people grieve are:
● Death of a loved one or pet
● Loss of a relationship, friendship, or community
● Loss of a job or financial stability
● Loss of health
● Loss of a dream, goal, or possibility
The 5 Stages of Grief
Those who are grieving typically cycle through different emotions and experiences as they come to terms with their loss. The five stages of grief were outlined by Elizabeth Kubler-Ross in 1969, and while they were meant to describe the experience of terminal illness, they apply to the experience of grief about any number of things. The five stages of grief are:
● Denial: difficulty accepting the reality of the situation, denying that the loss has truly happened.
● Anger: after realizing that the loss is real, you may feel angry that you’re losing something you love. You might be angry at the universe, a doctor who couldn’t help, yourself, or even the person you’re losing.
● Bargaining: in this stage, you attempt to reason with the universe or situation to avoid accepting the loss. You might offer something in order to avoid the loss, for instance pledging to call your mother every day so long as she heals from illness.
● Depression: this stage of grief involves feelings of sadness, hopelessness, crying, loneliness, and other emotions that come along with depression. During this stage, you are starting to understand and accept the loss and how it will affect you.
● Acceptance: the final stage of grief involves facing reality and coming to terms with the loss.
Although these stages are all common parts of the grieving experience, they’re not meant to be rules or steps that are followed sequentially. Some people may grieve without experiencing all of these stages, and others may go back and forth between a few emotions before coming to accept the situation. Grief isn’t experienced as a step-by-step process, and often comes in waves full of highs and lows. Fortunately, the process typically gets easier over time.
Types of Grief
Along with distinct stages of grief, there are different variations of this emotional process depending on the loss that causes it. Some types of grief include:
● Anticipatory grief: grieving a loss before it happens, for instance when a loved one is diagnosed with a terminal illness.
● Delayed grief: being initially numb after a loss but feeling the emotions of grief days, weeks, or months after the loss occurs.
● Inhibited grief: repressing the emotions that accompany grief, causing you to feel numb or experience the grief in other ways. For instance, you may feel the grief through physical symptoms like insomnia or stomach pain.
● Collective grief: grief experienced by a group of people. For example, a whole community grieving those lost in a shooting.
● Abbreviated grief: experiencing the grieving process more quickly than the typical person. This is more likely to happen if you’ve already been expecting the loss for some time.
● Cumulative grief: grieving multiple things at once; for instance, the loss of a job, the home you had to sell or the end of your marriage.
● Prolonged grief: also called complicated grief, this is intense, long-lasting grief that impacts your everyday life for a long period of time, at least a year after the loss occurred.
● Absent grief: when you’re grieving but display no outward sign or expression of it.
● Disenfranchised grief: this is grief that isn’t recognized as valid by society, for instance a death that is taboo or the loss of a same-sex partner.
Symptoms of Grief
Emotional Symptoms of Grief
Although grief is primarily associated with sadness and anger, it can be expressed in a myriad of ways, and there may be confusing or conflicting emotions that occur. Some emotional symptoms of grief include:
● Shock, numbness, and disbelief
● Extreme sadness, loneliness, hopelessness, and yearning
● Frequent crying
● Panic attacks
● Guilt
● Fear and anxiety
● Anger
● Confusion
● Difficulty focusing or making decisions
● Difficulty meeting everyday responsibilities
Physical Symptoms of Grief
Along with causing intense emotions, grief often manifests physically as well. A big loss is a shock to your nervous system and can lead to physical symptoms that make the experience even harder. Physical symptoms of grief can include:
● Fatigue
● Nausea
● Changes in eating habits or weight
● Insomnia or sleeping too much
● Lower immunity, getting sick often
● Unexplained pain, especially in the stomach or joints
● Restlessness
● Heart palpitations
How to Cope with Grief
Grieving can be a long and painful process, and the emotions associated with it have no easy fix. However, finding ways to cope with your feelings can make the process easier. Some ways to care for yourself while grieving include:
● Self-care: finding self-care that works for you is essential to coping with grief. Some common self-care practices are meditating, doing yoga, getting enough sleep, and finding hobbies you enjoy.
● Find a routine: sticking to a routine helps you to regulate your emotions and regain a sense of control.
● Ask for help: although it’s tempting to self-isolate when you’re grieving, it can help to reach out to the people in your community, asking for practical support or emotional care when you need it.
● Process your feelings: it can be helpful to let yourself cry and process your experience. Rather than distracting yourself or bottling your emotions up, letting them out through journaling or other means of expression can help you move through them.
Treatment for Grief
Finding ways to cope is helpful when dealing with the difficult experience of grieving a loss. However, sometimes you need a mental health professional to help you process your feelings and move on. If grief is affecting your ability to function in everyday life or you’re not improving after six months, it’s a good idea to seek professional help.
Joining a support group can be a great way to move through your grief and feel less alone in your experience. Connecting with others who are going through a similar experience can bring comfort and help you to find community.
For some, individual therapy is the best option for dealing with grief. Finding a mental health professional experienced in grief counseling can be essential for processing difficult emotions and helping with daily functioning. This is especially useful for those who develop the symptoms of prolonged grief disorder, which is grief that lasts for a year or more after the loss.
Although treatment for grief looks different for each patient, cognitive behavioral therapy (CBT) is one of the most effective ways to treat grief-related symptoms. Therapists use CBT techniques to help patients accept the reality of their loss and find contentment despite it. CBT is also useful in treating symptoms of grief, like insomnia or difficulty meeting responsibilities. Through grief counseling, those struggling to move past a difficult loss can learn how to accept reality and find a new sense of normalcy.
Reach out now to gain tools to help you move from your loss. Grief is a normal part if life, but you don’t have to go through it alone.